2 months to go!!

(But who's counting?) Today was INSANE. Yesterday, we decided as a class to rearrange the desks. The kids chose people to sit with, so they're in groups essentially of their own choosing. The past two days have consequently been a noisy nightmare. I told them we're on a "probationary period" for the groups, and I am their "probation officer." (I can't help but use those terms when they fit so closely into my own insane life at the moment!)

I hate to complain, but I'm just so tired. I'm tired of the job never *really* being done. I'm already far behind in my grading and lesson planning, and we're only 2 weeks into this quarter! Fortunately, the students' last day of school is exactly 2 months from now. I think I'm more excited about the end of school than the kids are! :P

We had an assembly at the end of school today where all the classes attended. For having 350ish students and their teachers in the gym, we were all relatively comfortable. Anyway, it was an awards assembly for good behavior. We have these "TREAT" coupons we're to give to students who are extraordinarily helpful or considerate, and they go into a big jar. Each day, two students are chosen for a small prize. Today was a HUGE raffle for larger prizes (basketballs, CD players, etc.) for the whole school. 9 of my kids won! 9! Very cool. However, after the assembly, all the kids were riled up, so we went outside for recess for the last 30 minutes. Nothing major happened, but I realized I really, really *don't* like being responsible for 27 kids all day, every day. If something were to happen to any one of them at recess, I would be held legally (and ethically!) responsible. Sigh. I also really, really *don't* like being an authority figure with kids. They're just so explosive and immature. It's quite annoying.

After school, we had a little female bonding time in the office, where 5 of us happened to be gossiping about my (ex-)roommate, who was "let go" from his job at last night's board meeting. It was a good time, and I really do like the staff here. We're mostly on the same page, and it's SO nice to vent to people who completely understand what I'm going through, because they are, too!

Final gripe, then I'll stop... our educational system. After said bonding time, I went to the teachers' lounge to check my mail and finish up for the day. Our SLP (speech & language pathologist) was there. I was her Secret Santa in December, so I learned a lot about her then. I respect this woman a great deal, and we had a nice heart-to-heart today about how ridiculous education is right now, at least in our district. We agreed that the accountability for children is being placed more on teachers/school staff and much less on parents. In fact, the music teacher yesterday told me that CPS wouldn't take kids out of a drug-ridden home because the parents' drug use is a "lifestyle choice." What the hell?! The SLP and I agreed that we do it all: we're babysitters, parents, disciplinarians, nurses, counselors, bookkeepers, data enterers, crisis managers, social workers, and so forth. I don't know of any other profession that has SO much responsibility thrown on someone her first year.

I feel I spend so much more time on classroom management than I do on education. I feel like my kids are getting ripped off by having me as a teacher. During parent-teacher conferences, one mother was recounting her usual conversation with her daughter:

Mom: "So, honey, what'd you do in school today?"
Daugher: "Dividing by fractions, a lot of reading, some grammar, and a bit of science."
Mom: "That's all? How come you didn't do more?
Daugher: "Because the class will never stop talking, so the teacher is constantly getting on people to be quiet."

And really, that's the truth. The kids are missing SO much instructional time because they can't keep their fricking mouths shut! Ahem.

I hear it's worse at the high school, too; the SLP was telling me about an altercation she had had last week with a high school senior. Apparently, he was looking up porn (and she could hear the conversation from her office next door) and started making lewd comments about women. Eventually, she'd had enough and stormed into the classroom, saying, "That's it! That talk is entirely inappropriate for school. I've heard all I need to hear from you! Shut your mouth!" And I can't blame her, from the things this kid was saying. She turned to leave and heard the kid mutter, "You bitch." She marched back over to him and escorted him to the office. Upon her arrival, the secretary (who apparently adores this kid) said, "Oh, Johnny, you weren't swearing, were you? Well, just don't do it again." And that's it!! Glad he learned a valuable lesson there.

Anyway, I'm feeling OK about the day (though it was really loud and ridiculous), but I'm increasingly pessimistic about what is happening in education in our country. What's worse is my exact case: I, an educated, caring, motivated young woman, had wanted to make a real difference by entering the teaching profession. What I was met with upon my arrival (indifference, anger, drama, irresponsibility, lies, etc.) has caused me to reevaluate my career choice. I am nearly certain I will be out of the field within the next few years, and that fact worries me about our country. I've decided that I don't want to deal with all this right now. It's too much. And if I, who was so dedicated to enacting social change, am so jaded and bitter and cynical, who will teach our children?