Conferences: Take 2
And here we are... 5 months after my FIRST-ever parent-teacher conferences, we have them again!! I only had 8 (of 14 scheduled) parents show up, so that was a bit bummy. A lot of teachers opted to only hold conferences with their "struggling" students' parents; I thought that was a cop-out, so I decided to meet with whichever parents were interested enough in their children's lives! :P
The bitterness and jadedness has set in, I'm afraid. I used to look at the veteran teachers, thinking, "I hope I leave the field before I'm *that* cynical and jaded." Nope; I'm now one of them. Yes, I still care about my kids (all of them), but I've almost "given up" on some of them academically. I mean, really: if they won't put in ANY effort whatsoever, what else can I possibly do? At a point, it doesn't seem like it's up to me; it's up to them! (Or am I just being lazy?) Regardless, I don't find myself as concerned with their academic progress as I once was.
I hate that this job takes good-intentioned, idealistic youngins and promptly turns them into (forgive the repetition) jaded, bitter little things. I honestly thought I had the heart and mind for this; I don't know why I don't enjoy it. Every day when I get here, I think, "Oh, here's another day..." and when I go home (usually around 8pm), I'm too tired to think. I just veg out, go to sleep, rinse, and repeat. It's vicious, really. And I'm not only burned-out on the teaching; it's the administrative crap, the gossip, the constant anger that tears through a school, the meetings, the accountability, the standards, the requirements, the tutoring, the responsibility... you get the drift.
Oy, vey. So I have NO idea what I'll be doing in 3 months. I may teach summer school here for two 8-week sessions, but other than that, I don't know where I'll be or what career I'll be doing. We'll see, I suppose. And though I know I've grown (emotionally and professionally) by leaps & bounds this year, right now I'm too exhausted to care. It's almost harrowing to think of how I was when I started student teaching (just over a year ago)- bright-eyed, eager, idealistic- and to see how I am now- completely done with the whole thing. We'll see, though; next week might be drastically different.
If I never teach again, I have a million times the respect for teachers that I did when I started. What we have to deal with (a roomful of under-fed, over-stimulated, violent, emotional, jaded kids; drug-addict parents; administration; workshops; meetings; financial death; state standards & testing; CPS; custody battles, and so forth...) it's almost too much. I'd once told myself that I would NOT be one of the 50% of teachers who burn out in the first 5 years... Goodbye, yellow brick road.
I still have a few weeks to decide if I'm gonna sign my contract or not. I'm leaning towards no at the moment, but who knows? I have to do some soul-searching, and I have to do it fast.
For now, I'm off to plan out next week and then actually see some friends for once! Catch ya on the flipside.
posted by Marybeth @ 5:20 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
HI! In my night school (high school) English class is a young man who is a senior at Mentor High School. This should be the happiest time of his life because he really wants out of high school. (What senior doesn't?) However, he is willing to put absolutely NO effort into his passing my class. None. Nada. We are doing interim grades now. Out of 500 points, he has 145. In order to have the lowest D possible, he needs 300 points. By the end of the semester, we will have approximately 1500-2000 points. He must pass my class in order to "walk the stage" but whose responsibility is it to do the work? Mine or his? I find his apathy sad. However, our class ends at 9:30 p.m. every Wednesday evening (and has since the end of August). His mother came to pick him up last night at 10:35 p.m. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I, too, have become somewhat cynical. Sorry.
Momita
Just stumbled on your blog and can really relate to it. I don't teach anymore but have vivid memories of all the different classes and students that I did teach. I do believe that at a certain it is up to the student to decide if they are going to make an effort to learn or not. When a person is given all the key ingredients for potential success and still fails to make any progress then you shouldn't feel responsible. All you can do is make sure that those ingredients are available when or if they decide to take advantage of them.
Hang in there!
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