All Teachers Who Want to Quit, Raise Your Hands.

(I'm raising my hand.)

Right now, I'm angry at our country and our society and our parents and our schools and the way everything is. Teachers are completely unprepared to go into the classroom, parents don't care about their kids, the kids don't care about their successes/failures in school, the administration doesn't care about the teachers... I feel like the teachers (and sometimes principals) are the only ones who really care sometimes.

Every night, I come home, and it's not enough. I still have plans to do, papers to grade, parents to call, and then *maybe* I can squeeze dinner in before bed. I hate this right now. I hate being exhausted and sad and stressed and unprepared, despite the fact that I work about 10-12 hours a day at the moment.

Today was a pretty bad day overall. OK morning, but the kids didn't do well in music or in art or in the halls or in class. I was stressed and angry, and I let it show. Unprofessional, but at least I didn't cry in front of them.

I know, though, that I'm not alone. The other teachers have been very supportive and understanding. My family has been amazing, as have a few really good friends.

I feel like I have an informal mentor teacher next door: the woman who took over for my 4th grade teacher buddy. She's wonderful, and she said her first year teaching, she'd lock herself in the school bathroom or broom closet or classroom every day to cry. She said she threw up almost every morning from stress, and couldn't eat much. It's not that bad for me, but I was thankful to have someone who was completely empathetic.

Also, my mom sent me an issue of Edutopia magazine. This particular issue (February/March 2005) is cleverly titled "No Teacher Left Behind" and is about teacher burnout. Some memorable quotes/facts from the article are:

-"We don't put attorneys just out of law school alone on their first case, yet we put new teachers alone in the classroom for their first year and expect them to shoulder the same responsibilities as veteran teachers" (pp. 40-41).

-"New teachers are expected to assume a full schedule of classes, create their own lesson plans, and develop teaching techniques and classroom management strategies in relative isolation... The result: New teachers must weather a frazzling first year that... [is] a recipe for early burnout" (p. 40).

-"Not a day goes by that I didn't go home and cry." (on a fourth-grade teacher's first year)... "Academically, I was prepared. Socially, professionally, and emotionally, I was not" (p. 41).

-"The amount of time I put into teaching was huge, and I still feel overwhelmed" (a former high school science teacher, p. 42).

It goes on and on: teachers put their all into their work, yet end up drained, stressed out, and jaded. Promised support isn't there, and often teachers (like myself) often feel completely "thrown to the wolves."

Anyway, I had my first Open House tonight. It went quickly, but I felt frazzled at the end. All in all, 11 students and their families showed up. All the 5th grade parents grilled me on how I'm planning to have the 5th graders ready for 6th grade at the end of the year. I had to BS a little (since I'm not exactly sure myself yet), but I did tell them my plan: to completely integrate the 4th and 5th grade curricula so that all the students are getting both 4th and 5th grade material at the same time. I haven't figured out the grading or the grouping yet, but I have to take one thing at a time.

The parents had come and gone in a half an hour, and I still had planning to do afterward. At 8pm, the principal came in with her husband, and they said, "You're still here? Again?" I replied, "Yes, I'm always here." Sheesh... I should've just moved into my classroom and not wasted the money on an apartment. Bleh.

Right now, I'm so focused on the problems of teaching that I can't see any positives. I just want out. I've been looking online for government jobs and the like. Heck, I've even considered moving back with my parents (!!) for a while to get back on my feet. I know I have to finish out the year (and I'm only a week in!!!), but I'm trying to take it one day at a time.

Finally, I just feel alone right now. Though the other teachers are great and we occasionally hang out outside of school, I feel alone. I have no good friends here, and the friends I do have, I don't talk to very much. I'm the only adult in a room of 27 people all day. I come home to 2 cats and still have to lesson plan. My support system right now is, essentially, my family and the teachers at my school.

Bleh. I need to stop writing. Hopefully, things'll look up soon. I MUST make tomorrow a better day, for all of our sakes (yours, mine, and the students').