Some food for thought...

So, as I may or may not have mentioned, a significant number of teachers (at least in arizona schools, from what i've heard) are on some form of anti-depressant medication. Guess what? I'm now one of them.

...

"What?!" you might think, shaking your head. But I'll come right out with it: I've joined the apparent swarm of teachers to use happy pills to get through their day. Heh, this may now become a school/Lexapro blog. :P I went on Lexapro due to a.) the incessant nagging of my mother (whom I trust a great deal), b.) the constant misery EVERY day, and it was either this or quitting on the spot, and c.) the fact that I can stop taking them at any time. Talking to other teachers about it, almost ALL of the veterans have been (or are still on) anti-depressants. Yes, folks, education is that bad these days. Write to your legislatures.

Anyway, I felt OK today. (How fast do these things work?!, I'd wondered to myself.) The morning was actually, um, good. My mentor wasn't in (she had a gazillion meetings), but I'd requested that another teacher observe my math lesson and give me pointers. (Though I thought the lesson had gone about as well as it could have, the teacher begged to differ. Before, her constructive criticism may have sent me into tears; now, I simply took her advice, and changed my strategies in the afternoon.) The kids were respectful, polite, and worked with me all morning.

After recess was difficult; even though I was reading to the class, some students still couldn't just sit there and draw and/or listen. Even with the lights out. I don't know what it is... so we went into vocab, and that was pretty smooth. Then, a quick game of silent ball with the class (to help get excess energy out for a few minutes in a calm manner), and off to art they went! I had 5 who were not able to go to art this week because of their behavior in art last week. They, I decided on the spot, needed to complete a one-page essay about 1.) what they did that caused them to miss art this week, 2.) what they can do next time so they don't get kicked out of art, 3.) what they do like about art, and 4.) what they don't like about art. All well and good, right? Wrong. When art was over, I picked up my 5 misbehaviors and found that one student had written "I'm stupid, I'm an idiot, I am a moron, the world sucks" all over the back of her paper. Awesome. When I get home, I have to talk to her parents. And the worst thing is, she's one of my best students when she's not freaking out. Ugh. She's already seeing the counselor, and I talk to her whenever I can about her behavior, so I'm trying to think of what else I can do.

After art was rough. ALL we had to do was a brief math review, then study hall, then recess, then home. That's it. The review took forever, and everyone was frustrated: "This is too easy; I'm bored!" or "I just don't get it!" Eventually, I had the higher students work with the lower students, but this caused frustration, too!! The students who understood the material either told the other student the answer, or got upset when the one in need of help still didn't "get it." Oy. During study hall, I had about 6 kids in my face constantly: "Can I go to the bathroom?"
"Blahblahblah wrote on my arm!"
"I don't geeeet iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!"
"Can I sharpen my pencil?"

Oy!! I've taught them sign language for "bathroom" and "pencil" and "water" a million times, and they still ask verbally. Hmph. I also had a student who became FURIOUS because I "ignored" her. Um, darling, I have six students in my face; I'll get to you. Patience, children, patience. ... Patience, self, patience...

However, since the meds kicked in (around 9 this morning???), I haven't cried or felt like crying. Though I still don't feel this is my field, I'm feeling more confident that I can make it at least until December.

Also, high point of the day: we were doing our daily stretching before math, and I was going through quite a few of them. (We can stretch up to 5 minutes, as long as the class doesn't talk.) I was running out of ideas, so I did the "pat your head, rub your stomach" thing. I got it going, and soon I was staring at a sea of children ALL doing that. It was hilarious. I actually laughed out loud. The students looked around, and a few of them chuckled, too. It was a great moment.

On that note, I shall go, while I still feel good. Peace.